A crazy long time and a crazy lot to say!

I haven't blogged in a very long time now. I could not tell you how much weight I have lost since the last time I posted, but I can tell you that this has been one crazy life these past 3 years.

We left Rantoul (none too soon), Kent has been through 3 jobs and is now settled in a job that he at least enjoys, Kent separated from the military for good, we moved again (this time to stay), I was diagnosed with Cancer, had a hysterectomy, and now we are starting the adoption process. *Whew* That sure was a lot in one big breath.

Now we are raising funds for the adoption. We have held a rummage sale that was highly unsuccessful, nearly as unsuccessful as the t-shirts we had printed. We still have a lot of the things that were donated to us and several of the tshirts. So this time around we are doing an online fundraiser and youcaring.com site. I will provide the links to both of these sites below.

It is so difficult not to get discouraged when looking at the price tag adoption. It breaks my heart to think of how many children go without homes  when there are so many loving people out there longing to be parents. No dollar amount should stop a child from having a loving family.

I beg of you to help, if not us then another family. There are lots out there hoping to one day hold an infant in their arms that they can take home with them.

Here is the link to our You Caring page:
Kent and Raynel + Baby = Family!


This link is for our fundraising page which sells multiple different items and we receive 40% of all sales.
Kent and Raynel Adoption Fund


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The failure in me.

I feel sometimes as though I can not do anything right. Like most of my life I have either half accomplished things or just completely failed. I see November 7th quickly approaching and I am not even near a 30 pound loss. I know it is my fault I can not make myself diet, exercise, or some days even get up. I don't have a job and I see our household quickly sinking, and I am scared. I blame me for our sinking I didn't stand up and take care of me I relied on someone else. I know that my problems are self made, that my stress is more my burden than anyone else.  I was once a woman who was some kind of strong, able, beautiful, and intelligent. I do not know what those things are any more. Strong? I am far from that I would rather lay in a ball than face my world most of the time. Able? I do not know what I have the ability to do any more. I feel like I am unqualified for everything. Beautiful? Not in the least, I am fat, I nearly have a full beard, and my face peels like a snake. I can not even stand to look at myself in a mirror.  Intelligent? No far from that, most of the time stupid and inferior. Some days I feel like the biggest lie in all those words is woman. I do not fit that definition any more. The one thing in this world I have ever wanted more than anything is a baby and I can not even do that. Biologically I have all the parts but I can't make them work. I can not seem to make anything work or to be what I am supposed to. Please tell me how.