Stress depression and more stress.... Did I mention the stress?

 So before I get into all the stress let me update you on the weekend. On Saturday we picked up Jonah and Addyson from Meme's house and were on our way to Savoy to see the Tiger and ride the horses. Along the way the kids and Uncle Kent became a farm full of animals in the back seat. I could  listen to the music of their laughter every minute for the rest of my life and never want it to stop. We made it to the "Extravaganza" but the tiger did not, the horse rides (that the kids were most excited about) cost money, and the adults were very rude, one woman even shoved Jonah out of her way so she could pet the ferret. I was pretty disgusted. So glad we have very understanding babies. I explained that the tigers truck had broken down and he had not made it that day but would be there in the morning and that we would call Mama as soon as we got in the truck and ask her for money to ride the horses. Both kids agreed that this was ok and we would come back in the morning. We walked around a bit more, Jonah got to pet a miniature horse and Addy got brushed in the face by a chicken wing. We tried on some funny hats, named all the stuffed animals they had for sale, and then headed for the truck. As promised we promptly called Mama and worked out the whole horse situation while telling her about all the other animals we got to see and touch. Soon after Addyson was asleep and Jonah was asking me where his pumpkin and my house was. We got gas and then stopped at Walmart here in Rantoul  for some food and some pumpkins.

We were still sleepy and throwing a little fit. 

Jonah and I could not time the picture and the smile. 

We got home and the kids and I had a snack then went out to carve our pumpkins. I left mine on the porch to carve at a later date. This turned out to be a mistake as the squirrels carved it for me.

This is what I saw when I went out the door on Monday morning.

This was Wednesday.

This is my poor pumpkin 15 hours ago. Who knows what it looks like now. 

So we carved the kids pumpkins and then went in to have some pizza (in Jonah's case dry cereal) and Rice Krispie  Treats and watch a little "Woody Buzz".  Then we danced on Aunt Ray Ray and Uncle Kent's bed to "Yak Yak" (Yikity Yak by Ray Stevens), Purple People Eater, and YEEHAW before going to sleep. The next morning we loaded up Jonah and Addy's Jack'o lanterns and headed for Donald Ducks (McDonald's) and the play place before heading to see the Tiger and ride the Horses. Then it was off to see Mommy with a brief detour at Kevin and Karen's house, where Addy proclaimed "Me no want see Kimmy!" I told her to just keep her eyes closed so she did. Kimmy came with us to drop the kids off, little did she know that the kids had other plans for her. She had to take a tour of their new house, play "Woody Buzz", and be shot dead over and over before Addyson poked her back to life. Then came the goodbyes and the fits because no one wanted Kimmy to leave.  We then headed to pick up our new to us freezer (thanks Tina and Wes) and picked up the dog before heading to drop Kim back off. We hung out there for a while and got to play with Xavier which is a rare treat.  All together it was an amazing weekend. 

Then came Monday! I have done little but worry about money since waking up at 5:30 Monday morning. How are we going to afford gas? How am I going to pay the bills? I really have to find a job, but then how am I going to get to work? Please God let it work out that he gets into the Air Force and we get back on our feet again! God, can you make sure we have enough money to pay the needed bills and eat? 

I had what they said was an interview on Tuesday, it turned out to be an application process for an insurance sales position. I do not know whether they made it seem appealing or the money that they flashed in front of me made it appealing, maybe I was just blind to the fact that I was going to have to put a whole lot of money in to be getting a little out. Either way they called me back Wednesday evening to invite me back for an actual interview. I was kind of excited until I talked to my mom and she flashed reality in front of my face. 

1. I am not a sales person.  Couldn't sell ice to a snowman in hell. 
2. You are not guaranteed profit.
3. They require you to have a laptop and you have to pay for it.
4. There is a lot of driving involved and I drive a huge 4x4 truck that drinks gas like crazy (they do not pay for that either)
5. That truck is our only vehicle and Kent is our primary income. He needs the truck. 

So I talked these points over with Kent and yep I will not be going to that interview. I was sick to my stomach. We need the extra money so desperately and here I am turning down a job. Now not only am I stressed but terribly depressed. I am filling out job applications frantically and feeling pretty stupid. For many reasons most of which is not having gone to college. I have no marketable skills! Ugh! How did I let myself become this woman? I sure was not that girl. I may not have wanted to work in the past but when push came to shove I could get a job and do well at it. Now I am not even sure how to fill out the application. On top of it all I have become a stress eater. I never used to be, before when I got stressed I would get sick and not be able to eat and now it is all I want to do. I want to have a good cry and a big bunch of sweets. I think I need a buddy here in Rantoul someone to call when I am stressed and need to talk or take a walk. I need someone who knows how I feel and is in the same zip code.

Did I mention the Stress!?!?