My family can not understand why we are so eager to go back to the military. Never being settled, moving every 3 years, not being home is unimaginable to them. That is not to mention their terrible fear of the next deployment. It does not scare me in fact it comforts me! How could I not be comforted by the sense of security an active duty pay check brings? By knowing with out a doubt I will never again have to choose whether I pay my rent and truck payment or I buy food. How could I not want the security of knowing there is going to be a roof over our heads and power in our home no matter how tight the budget is? I guess it is hard for my family to see those things through my view because they have never had my view.
I feel like it gets harder and harder every day for us to keep our heads above water. I know that realistically in the past 2 years as a family we took a $2800.00 a month cut in pay and our bills doubled. It would be hard for anyone to stay afloat with the drastic change. I get told all the time well you just can not live like you used to, and we don't. If it were 2 years ago today we would be getting ready to pick up the kids. Instead of going to a free petting zoo and carving pumpkins my mom bought we would be headed for dinner some where and maybe a pumpkin patch on our own dime. My birthday last month would have been spent at a decently nice restaurant instead of the Chinese buffet that made me sick, and would have been followed by a movie. Our Saturdays would have been dinner and a movie or something else like that. It would not have been 2 months since the kids last spent the night, 6 months or so since I last saw my friends, or God knows how long since I had left the state. We would be living in a single family home where I could crank the music and not worry that someone was going to call the office. I would not have to call the office twice a week because my neighbors refuse to accept that they live in an apartment and can not crank their music or run and jump because I want some peace too. Our life would just be normal again... Well normal for us.
Like my family, I too am afraid of the next deployment, but no more afraid active duty than I am national guard. I guess active duty makes me a little less afraid of that too. You see there is a sense of family when your on base with a unit there is a CO or XO's wife that I can contact, and normally she has been there before, and if she hasn't she is there now just like me. National Guard I do not know anyone from my husbands unit, they do not live near, I do not have any phone numbers, and even if I did they all have jobs. They are Civilians first and Military wives second, I will always be a military wife first. I will always love waking up to my man sliding into his camis , to the boots on the show rack, the tags hanging by the bed. I want to have to have my id out just to go home at night, buy groceries, and see the doctor. I want to be where people do not look at me funny because I have to think about what my social is when asked, because I am so used to reciting his. That is just my life, I miss it and I want it back!
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